


The Feelings I Hold Start Bleeding Out

by astudyinsolitude (taylormicky)



Series: Something In the Air [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, BDSM, Blow Jobs, Bondage, D/s, Dom Bucky Barnes, M/M, Metal Arm Kink, Oral Sex, Shrunkyclunks, Smut, Sub Steve, Sub Steve Rogers, Subdrop, Subspace, dom bucky, modern Bucky (didn't fight with Steve in WW2)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-06-04 08:45:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6650854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taylormicky/pseuds/astudyinsolitude
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve's most closely guarded secret was that he was a submissive, and a hell of a strong one at that. Without a dom powerful enough to take him fully into subspace, he's struggling to hold it all together until finally a mission goes wrong.</p><p>He has one more chance left - this new dom better actually be as strong as he says.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mission gone wrong

**Author's Note:**

> In this universe:  
>  **subspace** \- a euphoric and/or calming high required by submissives (subs) in order to counteract the increase of hormones that cause symptoms of confusion, exhaustion, slower reaction time, and other effects. A dominant (dom) sends a sub into subspace (also referred to as floating/flying high) through a combination of physical closeness, bondage/pain play, or comforting/reassuring their submissive.  
>  **subdrop** \- occurs when a submissive's hormone levels are too high, for a multitude of reasons: not being sent into subspace for too long, not reaching the heights of subspace for too long (i.e.: their dom isn't dominant enough to overpower their submissive's hormones), by being hurt, or by extreme mood changes (like coming down too quickly from subspace, not receiving proper aftercare after extreme sessions, or from other emotional events like the death of a family member or rape/abuse). Subdrop is a type of shock that is dangerous for submissives and new healthcare innovations have introduced medicines that can counteract the symptoms in some subs.
> 
> Title from "[Something In the Air](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yj8IKtXczwI)" by Seafret. Give it a listen, if you get a chance, the lyrics are eerily similar in places to how I put subspace into words.
> 
> *update* now with nsfw art in the endnotes of chapter 2!
> 
> This is my playground, and I'm playing fast and loose with canon, D/s tropes, and just writing in general. I hope you enjoy, and comments/kudos/questions/headcanons are always appreciated!

Steve Rogers had known something was wrong before he even started this damn mission. It had been only three months since the Chitauri invasion and mere weeks since Hydra attempted to take over SHIELD, capitalizing on the stress and disorganization of rebuilding New York. With SHIELD in disarray, Steve had been left trying to weed out the good from the chaff, the tentacles of Hydra running through the veins of SHIELD’s history.

However, what troubled him now wasn’t because of the external world... It was because of _himself_. Very, very few people knew that the great Captain America was a submissive - it was a closely guarded secret that would shock the nation if they found out. Even more than women in the military, people were vehemently against letting subs into the service - what if they got overpowered by a dom? Wouldn’t a sub cause more troop conflicts? - and that was still a slow change. Finding subs in any position more strenuous than a nurse close to the front lines was a rarity, never mind trying to explain how the nation’s largest figurehead for WW2 was a sub fighting on the front lines, leading the world’s most elite squad of soldiers. It helped, in one way, that the serum amplified everything in his body, because now Steve was one of the lowest-ranked subs in the world - meaning that it took a very, very high-ranked dom to send him completely into subspace, to send him high enough to let the jumbled mess of hormones in his brain settle down so he could keep fighting. Peggy - oh god, how he _missed_ her some days - Peggy was the only one, after the serum, who could send him up high enough.

But she was old, now, old and frail and it broke his heart to see the strongest woman - strongest _person_ \- he knew so worn down by the life she had lived. She couldn’t dom for him, anymore - it took all her strength just to keep her heart beating in her chest. She forgot him, more often than not when he visited - forgot about their history together, how much they’d meant to each other once upon a time.

So he held his secret close to his chest, and not even the Avengers knew about it - his primary assigned doctor in medical had known and given Steve meds he could take to abate the symptoms of subdrop until he could find a proper dom, but the meds made him more sluggish and so he’d been forced to tell Sam and Natasha before they embarked on this mission of taking out every Hydra base they could find. Sam had gaped for a few seconds before laughing and congratulating him on how successfully he’d hid that for so long. As a switch, Sam could dom or sub as he pleased but couldn’t even come close to the levels of dominance needed to get Steve into subspace, let alone send him high enough to really help.

Natasha... she was a different story. She had taken the news with her usual aplomb - simply nodded and asked if he wanted the info redacted from her report or if she should leave it in and mark it Fury’s eye’s only. He agreed to the second option, and was surprised to find a few days later a new mp3 player on top of his gear, loaded with pre-recorded dom readings he later found out were commonly available online to help subs get to subspace when a dom wasn’t available (and god, technology continued to amaze him everyday). Attached to the mp3 was a note - _I don’t dom for many people because that choice was taken from me for too long, but I’m one of the highest-ranked in dominance of the agents in SHIELD that would be able to take you up. When these recordings aren’t enough, I will do what I can to help. -N_

Steve had found out, during the war, that he could get by with just any rank dom sending him into subspace every evening as long as Peggy could send him flying all the way up once a week. He thought the same would work now - he could stop taking the meds so he was back at peak levels, and with the recordings every evening he wouldn’t have to impose upon Natasha more than once a week. He’d been disappointed to find out otherwise - even though Natasha was a high-ranked dom, she still wasn’t enough to send him flying high enough for the mess of hormones filling his head to fully abate, and he’d only been able to last a few days before he came back to her, frustrated and apologetic. Steve knew she found no pleasure in sending him to subspace - not that their relationship was sexual, she merely gripped tight to his neck in a show of dominance and draped herself across his back, trying to imbue safety and protection in her hold - but Steve knew that it brought back unpleasant memories and he felt terrible for requiring her to help him so much. The worst part was, she couldn’t quite send him all the way up and so some small part of his head still kept buzzing, and each time she sent him flying in subspace that part got bigger. He’d tried to ignore it, tried to pretend he could still handle it, but it kept getting worse and -

Steve stumbled, righting himself and shaking his head to clear the memories. Right, so he’d known something was wrong before he even started this damn mission. Which is why, if he’d been thinking more clearly, he would have known better than to take on a dozen Hydra thugs when he was still struggling to wrestle his submissive side under control. It would have been easy work if he was at full strength and clear-headedness - but he wasn’t, which is why he was now being crab-walked by the remaining 3 Hydra goons down into the bowels of the Hydra base to visit the scientists. He was thankful at least for that - his job on this mission was to get in, get any information the scientists had collected to find out what they were researching, and then get out so Sam and Nat could blow the base - and at least this way he was going to end up close the information he was supposed to gather in the first place. But now, with his head still a mess and the doms surrounding him too much for him to throw off while he was this subdued, they’d have to come in and get him first. Natasha would have noticed the moment he stopped checking in with his location, and he knew it would only take her a few minutes to get in and find him.

He was surprised when the thugs holding him suddenly stopped - he _really_ needed to be paying better attention to his surroundings, but it was getting so hard to focus - and then suddenly his feet were kicked out from under him and he was shoved, ungainly, to his knees. And _oh_ \- this was bad, this was worse than he had thought if kneeling in a roomful of doms was all it took for the haze of subspace to try to crowd into his vision. Steve consciously straightened and tried to settle himself; he had no idea what the scientist was droning on about - probably another rant about the opportunities he would have to run tests on Captain America - and just focused on keeping his mind clear and in the moment. _Just a few more minutes._

Just as he thought, Natasha swooped down from the ceiling vents two minutes later and started taking down the Hydra agents standing around the scientist - and then Sam dropped down too, which meant Natasha was worried that something was up, something Steve wasn’t telling her about. Just as well - he wasn’t going to be of much help right now anyway, not with so many doms fighting so close to him, not with _Natasha_ fighting so close to him.

Once the last of the goons were down, Natasha swung around to look at him and then immediately backed towards the door, swearing harshly in Russian. “Sam, I can’t go near him right now, he’s so close to subspace that I’d send him up if I got too near. I need you to switch to submissive, get him out of here so we can get him back to base before he hits subdrop. I’ll clear a path for you, but every minute we wait brings him closer to going into shock.”

“But, can’t you send him -?” Sam started to ask before Natasha interrupted, “I’m not dominant to take him all the way up and it’s too risky, it’s been too long that I can’t help enough, I can’t risk it. There’s only - only one other agent right now ranked higher than me, and so we need to get him back to base.”

Sam nodded, accepting her words, and Steve finally relaxed as she swept out of the room. Every muscle in his body had been held tight, staving off the approaching of subspace in a room full of doms, and he felt unreasonably sore as he blinked his eyes open to find Sam crouched in front of him.

“Alright, brother, let’s get this show on the road, eh?” Sam’s smile was strained as he helped Steve to his feet, and they made quick work of gathering the files they needed before making their way up to the surface and taking off in the quintet, leaving bombed-out remains behind.

 

* * *

 

The minute the plane landed, Steve was stalking towards the med bay, focusing narrowing his vision even as the buzzing in his head grew louder, more insistent.

Thankfully his doctor was in her office and not currently with any patients as he strode in. She glanced up in surprise that quickly morphed into a subdued horror as she took in his state, at how tightly bound he held himself even as his pupils were dilated from the subdrop that was rapidly approaching. 

Turning to her computer, she typed rapidly as she spoke. “The meds we were trying won’t be strong enough at this point to stave off the drop, we need to find you a dom before you go into shock. The only two ranked high enough to work would be Black Widow -”

Steve cut her off with a sharp gesture as he paced her office, frustration thrumming in his veins. “Not high enough - she’s been getting me through when I’m off-med but it’s not _working_.”

The doctor ran a nervous hand through her hair. “And tricking your body into a partial subspace trip will only make the ensuing drop worse, I’m glad she held off. The only other person -” she typed in a few more lines on her computer and then turned to face him fully, “- the only other person ranked this high is, well - he’s a POW recovering from brainwashing. He was just recently cleared for duty, but I’d have to check with his doctor to see if domming is advisable this soon -”

“Ma’am -” Steve closed his eyes, focusing as a wave of dizziness hit. “Black Widow said there was one other person ranked higher than her, and she’s cleared him for this. She’s thorough and I trust her judgement, so check with his doctor, check with whoever you need - but if she says he’s okay, then he’s okay.”

The doctor nodded, then stood. “Alright. He’s returning from a mission now, due to land in about an hour. I will have him sent up as soon as he arrives, but in the meantime I’m assigning you to one of the Dark Rooms to wait it out until then.”

“A Dark Room? But, the sensory overload rooms are extreme measures, only for subs rapidly approaching subdrop -” Steve trailed off at her quirked eyebrow as he realize he did actually meet the criteria. Now that he thought about it, the lights overhead and the play of fabric over his skin were irritating, making the buzzing in his brain feel amplified. A Dark Room would probably be a good choice right now.

“Even you can only hold up to so much before biology takes over. Wait in the Dark Room and try and hold it together until I send him up, okay?”

Steve nodded and walked out, away from her worried eyes as he tried not to despair. _One hour. Just one more hour_.


	2. Smutty smut is smutty (aka, sexy Winter Soldier)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *update* now with nsfw art for this chapter in the endnotes!

Steve knelt on the bed - little more than a cushion on a raised dais, and still almost more sensation than he could handle - and just breathed, in and out and in, trying to keep the mess in his head at bay. He was so goddamn stupid to think he could just get by - even as skilled as Natasha was, she just wasn’t enough to overpower him completely. There was always some small part of his brain that she couldn’t reach, that she couldn’t subdue, and each time she took him up that part got bigger until it just wasn’t enough any more. He should have known, should have recognized how bad it was getting before now, dammit. Normally this close to subspace he’d be hard by now - not that subspace was inherently sexual, no, but the release of tension that came with an orgasm was often part of a dom/sub relationship - but right now he was so wired, so on edge, that he couldn’t even manage an erection.

So he just knelt, and breathed, and waited. He did as much as he could, to ease his senses - the Dark Rooms were, as the name implied, blacked out from light sources - but he still wore a blindfold as a reinforcement, as something he could focus on besides the buzzing in his brain. He’d stripped, first thing he did after entering the Room, because his skin was crawling from the overstimulation of his armor compressing down, so the only things touching him were the padding under his knees and shins, the blindfold wrapped around his head, and the grip he held on his ankles, arms crossed behind his back. He could feel the bruises forming under his palms, hands too strong for even his reinforced body to handle the grip for this long, but this was the only restraint he could manage on his own - the Rooms were stocked with the necessary items but he needed another person to put the bindings on him so he settled for the tight grip of his fingers as he waited.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been there, only that he was barely holding himself together, breaths sharp and ragged and haze crowding the edges of his mind. He was nearing subdrop, soon - it was only a matter of time before his body went into shock, trying to protect itself when it had been too long since he’d been brought fully into subspace. Hell, he might be dropping already, he could hardly keep track of himself anymore and this was bad, he knew it was bad even as he tried to regulate his breathing again, bring his heaving chest under control so he could hear - faintly, but coming closer, the sound of long, heavy strides. _He was here_.

Steve sucked in air, ragged, as he finally heard the door open, heard armor and shoes and clothing drop heavily to the floor, heard the crack as the man tested the strength of the rope Steve had left out on top of the drawers of items, as clear an indication as he would be able to make of his desire to be tied up because right now Steve couldn’t speak, couldn’t even begin to think of how to push words out from between the buzzing of the hormones in his head. He listened to the rustle as the man stalked over to Steve, heard the thump as something small - lube, most likely - landed next to him on the bed followed by the swish of the rope coiling onto the cushion and then, _finally_ , felt a hand come up to grip the back of his neck in a show of dominance. The hand was hard, cold, metallic - must be a prosthetic then, he thought vaguely, and Steve groaned as his body coiled further, chasing the feeling of being held down, of being _dominated_. He could feel the raw strength emanating from the man in front of him, and he hoped to god that he could send Steve high enough to finally settle the tangled mess in his head.

He groaned again as the fingers on his neck tightened, possessive - the feeling of the cold metal against his skin, the only place the man was touching him yet, was driving him wild. Steve could feel his shoulders wrenching, the grip on his ankles keeping his back bowed forward and chest thrown out even as he strained forward, seeking more.

Steve’s breath caught as he felt the man settle over him, strong thighs clamped down over his own, enveloping Steve in warmth as the man’s right hand gripped tightly at Steve’s arms where they crossed behind his back, pressing Steve wondrously tight against the firm, toned body in front of him, surrounding him, and _oh_ , the hard length of arousal pressing into his stomach made Steve’s twitch in response as it started to fill.

The hand gripping his neck brought Steve’s head down, tucked into the hollow between the man’s chest and throat and all Steve could smell was the sweet tang of the man’s sweat, heady and smooth and Steve had an urge to reach out and taste even as he felt his muscles unwinding as his mind started to float, haze creeping in and arousal building as he felt the soft brush of lips against his ear.

The man’s voice was low and deep as he spoke. “You will know me as the Soldier, and I expect you to follow my orders. If you cannot comply, I expect you to inform me. If something hurts, I expect you to inform me. I’m going to send you flying, Captain, so high that you won’t be able to find words if you haven’t lost them already, so tap your fingers once for ‘good’ and three times for ‘stop.’ Do you understand me?”

Steve sighed as the Soldier’s voice sent him fully into subspace, and the last of the tension drifted out of him as he tapped two fingers against the side of his ankle, _good_.

“Good job, you’re doing so well, Captain. I’m going to tie your arms down, but I need both hands. Focus on staying completely still except for where I move you, do you understand?” The Soldier waited for Steve’s affirmation before loosening his hold on Steve’s neck and reaching back to grab the rope, and Steve focused on his task, holding his body in absolute stillness even as his breathing hitched at the loss of the hand holding him steady. He felt his arms being pulled, tucked together until they were bent behind his back and each hand clasped the opposite elbow. The position forced his back to arch even further, and Steve gasped as the shift brushed their cocks together, the sensation almost too much as he forced himself back into stillness. _Follow his orders_.

The Soldier’s hands caressed Steve’s arms as he began to thread the rope over, around, tightening Steve’s grip and locking his arms in place. “You’re doing so well, Captain, that’s it. Breathe in for me, nice and deep.” Steve felt the rope constrict pleasantly but not painfully, and the Soldier’s hands tested the knots once more in confirmation before the metal hand returned to his neck. Steve whimpered as the feeling of safety, of possession, sent him floating even higher. He felt wonderfully contained, mind finally starting to calm even as his body ached, cock hardening further as the Soldier’s free hand brushed across his chest, flicking at Steve’s nipples before going lower, the hard ridges of Steve’s stomach fluttering at the light touch, and then the Soldier grabbed their cocks, large hard barely fitting around as he pumped them both, slowly, leisurely.

Steve felt himself trembling and knew he would have collapsed if he hadn’t been kneeling already, as the contrast of hard calluses and smooth, slick skin caused a few drops of pre-come to well forth. He cursed the blindfold, now - not only could Steve not see the Soldier pressed against him, but the sensations of hands touching Steve, skin sliding against his own was amplified because touch was that was the only sense he could use to tell what was happening. It was torture, to feel the minute jumps of the Soldier’s cock as their hips shifted, grinding together and taking pleasure from each other, so tantalizingly beautiful and completely unseen. And yet it was heaven, to know that the sight was there in front of him, but yet he didn’t have to focus on it, didn’t have to worry about anything but simply the feeling of a body against his drowning out the noise in his head as it untangled, making him weightless

Steve was shifting, restless, buzzing in his veins begging for more but he didn’t have the words to say, didn’t even know what to ask for. He groaned, head rocking back and forth as he chased his pleasure but something was missing, he needed _more_ -

“What is it? You’re doing so good, Cap, let me know what you need. How are the bindings?” Steve tapped his fingers once, _good_ , head ducked low so the Soldier could see over his shoulder to where his hands were clasped around elbows. Still Steve shifted, wordless, and then pressed his thighs outwards as if to spread his legs were he not hemmed in by the Soldier’s thighs bracketing his own.

Steve felt the other man’s cock twitch against his own as the Soldier laughed softly. “You need to be filled, don’t you? You want to feel claimed, feel the fullness of my cock buried deep inside you, possessing you.” It was Steve’s turn to twitch at the heat in the Soldier’s words, and he gave a groan that was utterly wrecked at the words spoken so softly, barely more than a breath against his ear.

The hand on his neck tightened as the Soldier lifted his body up, shifting to move behind Steve without losing the grip of metal on skin. Steve ached briefly with the loss of contact but the feeling of the Soldier settling behind him, hard length brushing tantalizingly close across the swell of his ass, was a promise of pleasure that was worth the temporary loss. The metal hand pushed him forward, gently folding Steve in on himself as his forehead brushed against the bed cushion. Steve’s hands, still tied high against his back, made him arch sinuously and forced his ass high as his back arched to accommodate the new position.

The Soldier smoothed his right hand along Steve’s side, “Breathe deep, there you go, you’re doing so well,” checking that this position wasn’t too much even for Steve’s athletic body. Satisfied with what he saw and with Steve’s two-fingered tap, _good_ , Steve felt the Soldier’s right hand leave his side and heard the click of a cap opening and then he shivered as cool liquid slid down his ass, pooling at his hole and dripping down across his balls, along his cock. Metal fingers rubbed soothingly on his neck as the Soldier drew his thumb up Steve’s perineum, chasing the lube as it ran and then pushing just the tip of his thumb into Steve’s ass, pulling out to expose him to the Soldier’s gaze. Steve shivered again, this time from the arousal curling in his gut as the Soldier taunted him, teasing his hole with the smallest of thrusts, barely shifting his thumb as his hand rocked slowly.

Steve’s thighs trembled and he moaned, low and throaty, as he heard the Soldier’s breath hitch at the sight in front of him. Oh, he was floating so damn high he felt like he’d never even need to come back down, and he missed this - the feeling of being utterly and completely subdued to the dominance of someone stronger than him. He relaxed into the hold, knowing that he would finally get the release he needed and opening himself up to the Soldier’s ministrations, his ass stretched and grasping as the thumb slid deeper inside when Steve relaxed fully.

“You’re doing so good for me, Cap, so good,” the Soldier breathed as he pushed one finger inside, slowly, pumping gently; two fingers now, and the stretch was wonderful inside him and Steve rocked his hips back, dragging the fingers further inside him. He heard a deep moan, Steve noted absently as the fingers scissored inside him, loosening him - and the rumbling in Steve's throat meant it was coming from him. The fingers slid in and out, in and out, and then they bent and rubbed harder and -

Steve clenched down, keening at the pleasure shooting along his skin as he thrust his hips up into the touch. He couldn’t think anymore, couldn’t focus on anything but the sensations of those calloused pads milking his prostrate, pleasure building under the relentless assault. He shifted, alternatingly chasing and fighting the touch as it burned into him, building and rising and just as the stimulation was getting to be too much the fingers pulled out and he clenched down again, feeling gaping and loose.

“You’re so goddamn beautiful, Cap, taking it so well. We’re almost there, you’re doing so damn good for me.” Another click and then thump as the lube was used and discarded, and Steve could hear the soft squelching of the Soldier’s hand on his cock, slick and efficient and _god_ , he didn’t even know what sounds were coming out of his mouth but he arched, breathless and panting and _need_ running through him like fire.

He felt the head of the Soldier’s cock rub tantalizingly against his hole, pressing softly without breaching the ring of muscle and he tossed his head back and forth, wordlessly pleading, _please_ , he tapped his fingers once, _good_ , just fucking move he felt like he was going to explode if he didn’t get -

The Soldier thrust forward, hips slamming into Steve’s ass and Steve moaned at the sudden fullness and then moaned again when the shaking in his thighs intensified as his body arched impossibly further, taking the Soldier as deep as he could. He was straining, chasing his pleasure as the hips behind him shifted back and then slammed forward again, the long slide of the Soldier’s massive cock making him keen with the glorious stretch. Steve’s muscles were shaking, barely holding him upright, and he felt a sheen of sweat pooling along his back and between his arms, slick against the rope.

He felt the metal hand pulling him backwards as the Soldier leaned forward, draping himself across Steve’s back as he pressed their bodies together, knees sliding between Steve’s to hold their weight. Steve could practically feel the tension vibrating through the Soldier’s abdominals and the sheer strength it took to keep them both together in this position made him moan again, the slow shifting of hips dragging the head of the Soldier’s cock across his prostate at every thrust. The Soldier reach down with his right hand, tugging on Steve’s length in the tight space they formed, crumpled over each other on the bed, and Steve was panting, gasping for air as he body fought the rising tide of arousal, incessantly building as his whole body felt stimulated beyond compare. It was so much, it was so _much_ -

“Come for me, Captain,” the Soldier grunted softly and Steve did, clenching down as the pleasure burst through his skin and he felt the Soldier’s hips stutter as he shook, seed filling him inside and the pleasure was building, rising as he floated higher and higher until the bliss was too much and he crumpled into the arms around him as he passed out, finally flying at the heights of subspace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this was the first time I've written anything this explicit so I hope it came across okay! Leaving me some feedback in the comments would totally make my day :)
> 
> Please, _please_ go thank [lucidnancyboy](http://lucidnancyboy.tumblr.com) for the [absolutely stunning art](http://lucidnancyboy.tumblr.com/post/148740162534/you-will-know-me-as-the-soldier-by-jessie-lucid) that you see below. It is everything I was imagining but _better_. Really, go give a round of applause.
> 
>  


	3. Aftercare pt. 1: blissed out

Steve was still panting brokenly as awareness slowly returned. He must have only blacked out for a few moments - the Soldier’s softening cock was still nestled inside him and Steve could feel against his back the deep breaths the dom was pulling in, their bodies fighting each other for space as they recovered from such an intense orgasm. He felt completely blissed out, the powerful hormones released by finally being with a strong enough dom made him feel gloriously relaxed and the strong body laying along his back and arms felt so powerful, so protective. It felt like a tide of peace had washed through his head, breaking up the static and the strain and leaving behind a cloud of contentedness and _god_ he was floating so goddamn high.

A low groan rumbled through him at the release of so much tension that had been building, at the almost painful relief of finally, _finally_ being sent all the way to his max. Steve had forgotten just how incredible it felt to just float, to feel disconnected from all the stress and the pain and the worries and just _submit_ , fully and completely.

The Soldier stirred above him at the sound, grip shifting on his neck and rubbing softly before sliding up to run metal fingers through his hair. “You did so good for me, Captain, you were so beautiful. How are you feeling right now, what do you need?”

Steve hummed distractedly as he shifted minutely, feeling the wonderful stretch of muscles well-used and loosened after being tight for so long, groaning again as the movement dragged the thick head of the Soldier’s cock across his prostate. Any focus that might have been spent on the Soldier’s question was lost in the haze of bliss and the soft rub of fingers against his scalp. The rumbling in Steve’s chest was almost a purr as he drank in the sensation absentmindedly, uncaringly.

“I need to know how you’re doing, Cap, check in with me.” The Soldier sounded almost worried and as the fingers smoothed out to cup the back of his head, shifting him so the side of his face was visible, Steve remembered the earlier question.

He rolled the words around his head, trying to come up with what answer he needed to give. Cool fingers brushed along his shifting jawline as he tried to form the sound he needed to make, but everything was still so hazy.

The worry was stronger now as the Soldier spoke. “Try and verbalize it for me, Cap, how are you feeling? Tell me your color.”

 _Ah, colors_. Colors meant his dom wanted to get some more input so they could make the right choice, so they could find out about the boundaries of their sub that they couldn’t read just from body language. Colors meant his dom _cared_ and - colors were something he knew, that was a lot easier.

He shifted again just to feel the movement of his body, reviewing each location for any discomfort to make sure his check-in would be accurate, that he would be good for his dom. Steve sighed again and his voice was scratchy but warm as he murmured, “mmm, green.”

The tension slipped out of the Soldier’s body. “Good, that’s good, Cap, thank you. I’m still going to untie you now, though, okay? I don’t want your shoulders to get stiff like this.”

Steve hummed again, glad that his dom was so wonderful, so smart to think of that. The feeling of hands running along his sides was soothing, and he floated gently as the tightness of the rope slackened, softly sliding against his skin before sliding into a pile on the floor. Steve let his arms be moved bonelessly, tension gone from his body as the Soldier situated him - straightening his arms and setting them gently on the bed before taking each palm in hand, massaging gently and working strong fingers gently up each arm to release any lingering lactic acid and check that the rope didn’t do any damage to his skin.

The small movements shifted the Soldier’s cock inside him, hitting his prostate in random intervals that stoked arousal in Steve again. At the feel of fingers digging into his shoulders he moaned, wantonly, and clenched down automatically as the position forced the Soldier forward and deeper inside him. Steve could feel the cock hardening in his ass at the stimulation even as his own filled further.

Steve barely realized he was speaking as the words fell softly from his lips. “Mmm, you feel so wonderful, Soldier, you make me feel so good.”

A soft chuckle breathed along his skin as the Soldier leaned forward, brushing his lips along the curve of Steve’s neck. “That’s good, Cap. I want you to tell me what feels good, okay, try and bring some of that brain back online, get you a bit more verbal.”

Steve sighed again, words slurring through a soft grin, “Yes, Soldier.” He lost focus briefly, floating in the sensations when the Soldier’s left arm snaked around Steve’s waist, holding him snug and using his right arm to lift Steve’s upper body until he was draped across the Soldier’s chest, heading rolling languidly to rest against the softly stubbled skin of the Soldier’s neck.

He moaned, louder this time, as gravity pulled him even closer than they were before. “I’m so full, dom, you fill me up so well,” Steve murmured, lips mouthing onto soft skin before he reached out and tasted the salty sweat that was building up again on the Soldier’s skin. Their position now forced the Soldier to lean back a few inches to keep the ragdoll weight of Steve propped against his chest.

The feel of rock-hard thighs under his own, the solid strength of the Soldier’s abs as they supported so much weight without a single tremor, should really not be turning Steve on as much as it was.

“You’re so strong, Soldier, you make me feel so safe.” Fingers now pressed firmly into the joint between shoulder and chest, stretching the muscles that Steve had held so firmly as he was hunched forward. Steve rocked his hips back, clenching down with inner muscles and earning a hitched, stuttering breath from the Soldier behind him.

Steve basked in the glorious looseness and exhilaration that came with the heights of subspace, uncaring of the sounds he made as he rocked languidly back, feeling the Soldier so, so deep inside him. _Safe_.

The Soldier leaned back even further, causing Steve to arch his back as hands pulled his shoulders open, stretching deltoids and pectorals to make sure the only lingering soreness after their session would be from the intensity of the sex, not the physical stress of the bondage. Steve was content to lounge back against the taut body behind him and just groan as he milked his prostate on the Soldier’s cock and felt the pleasure build, so sweetly slow through his body.

Apparently satisfied with the current stretch, the Soldier ran his hands down Steve’s arms tantalizingly, fingers brushing oh so softly as they traveled down to grip his wrists in a forceful hold that just racketed up the volume of the moaning purrs Steve could feel rumbling through his chest. His arms were brought upwards to clasp behind the Soldier’s neck and fingers kneaded firmly from armpits to hips in quick succession to remove the last of the remaining tension Steve held in his muscles.

“You look so gorgeous, all strung out for me,” the Soldier growled gently as his hands wandered further down, teasingly drifting across his cock and his spread thighs in the softest of touches. “I bet you feel so good right now; you’re so high, aren’t you, Captain?”

Steve’s voice was wrecked as he dropped his head back farther, nestled between his own bicep and the taut, stubbled neck of the Soldier, letting the air escape in a sigh when warm fingers encircled to tug slowly along as cock.

He felt so _whole_ , all the confusion and stress just washed away as he was filled with pleasure and safety and comfort by the Soldier’s touch. The counterpoint of sensation as he rocked his hips back onto the thick cock and forward into tight fingers was maddeningly good and his breathing was rapid and ragged as his orgasm built closer.

The soft grunts of the Soldier in his ear, hips pistoning firmly upward and body straining under the weight of Steve’s body and the pleasure he was drawing from it only spurred Steve higher, closer.

Steve wasn’t even sure of his own body anymore, chest heaving as he squirmed and chased the pleasure that was just out of reach, so close and his eyes were screwed tight under the soft blindfold as he gasped, _ah, ah, ah_ , reaching for somewhere he couldn’t quite get - 

The Soldier curled his body inward so his head could drop down, breathing hard against Steve’s neck as he gasped, “Come for me, Captain,” and then, as hands sped up faster on his cock and teeth gripped a sharp bite at the join of his shoulder and neck, Steve cried out hoarsely as he orgasmed hard, body shaking with the force of the euphoria running through him.

He clenched down tightly as the Soldier’s hand milked him for all he could give, and he felt the Soldier’s breath stutter and hips still momentarily before grinding slowly through his own orgasm.

Steve felt barely conscious as they panted together for the second time that night, and his body was so languid that he couldn’t imagine moving at all, thankful that the Soldier took over and cleaned them up with his discarded shirt, wiping the mess of lube and come off the backs of Steve’s thighs where it had dribbled slowly when he pulled out.

It took only a few moments to tidy them up and the Soldier laid Steve down on the bed momentarily to grab a sheet from underneath, draping it softly over them and pulling Steve so he was pillowed on the crook of his right shoulder.

Steve sighed contentedly, already mostly asleep as the Soldier’s soft words filtered through. “You did so beautifully, Captain, I just need to know your color and then you can rest, I’ll take care of you.”

A soft smile graced his lips as he drifted off, mustering enough energy to tap his fingers twice against the Soldier’s sternum before he let the sleep take him under. _Good_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise that this isn't Steve's long-term characterization, he's under the influence of some pretty strong hormones. Please feel free to let me know if it still seems too much out of character, I'm always open to feedback and constructive criticism!
> 
> The boys will be talking more in the next chapter so hopefully that bit of background will help with understanding the characters' stories.


	4. Aftercare pt. 2: coming back around

Steve came awake slowly, drifting up from the depths of dreamless sleep with a feeling of contentment flowing through him. Mind calmed like the gentle waves that settle after a storm, he took a few moments to just breathe and feel the gentle stretch of muscles well used, shifting and rocking his hips languidly to try and wake up fully.

Eyes blinked slowly, sleepily, and Steve shifted forearms underneath him to gaze lazily around the room, looking for the body missing beside him. A door was cracked, light shining from the other half of the suite: the recovery room, stocked with food and actually comfortable furniture (unlike the lightly-padded hard pallet he was laying on now). A place for a dom and sub to care after each other, to come down from the high of the scene and settle back into neutral after being so far gone as to require a Dark Room.

Steve stretched his body once more, rolling his neck to hang low between his shoulders and basking in the warmth of muscles fully relaxed after the strain they had carried for so long, before finally shifting to stand. He absently grabbed for the pair of loose sweats he had tucked away yesterday and padded into the recovery room in search of the Soldier. He was curious to learn more about the man strong enough to send a serum-enhanced Steve Rogers to the heights of subspace.

Standing in the doorway as he rubbed languidly at tired eyes, the first thing Steve noticed was how attractive the man was sitting at the table. The Soldier, as he had called himself that evening, was quite frankly mesmerizing to look at, although Steve couldn’t tell how much of that feeling was the man’s natural beauty or the leftover hormones still running through his bloodstream. On the heels of the first observation, Steve noticed the blank, far-off look in the Soldier’s eyes that set off the urge to serve, to submit to the needs of his dom to in order to make sure that his dom would be strong enough to support them both. He ignored his biological urges awash in outdated beliefs, studying the furrowed brow and haunted aura of the Soldier before he slowly approached.

At Steve’s first step into the recovery room, the Soldier’s head suddenly snapped up, shoulders tense and eyes oddly frightened as they stared into Steve’s. Then recognition flashed and the Soldier dropped out of his half-crouch to slump back into the chair with a weariness that seemed to Steve out of place with the peace he himself was finally feeling.

“Captain, I need to apologize for my behavior last night. I had no intentions of taking advantage of your inability to consent and I did my best to keep you from dropping further, but I completely understand if you would like another dom for the remainder of your aftercare. I won’t breathe a word of your orientation, I swear.” The Soldier delivered his speech in a tone of pained apology, head turned away in shame and unable to meet Steve’s eyes.

Steve was floored at the words. Back in his day, an unmarried sub that was going through subdrop was lucky to find a dom willing to help unless they were family. If they were lucky enough for a dom to help, they were expected to be grateful for whatever the dom offered. Steve had been informed of things that had changed since he was growing up, but somehow it hadn’t really hit until then that such things as consent and submissive rights were actually commonplace, even enforceable through the judicial system.

Mistaking Steve’s silence for agreement with his statements, the Soldier stood stiffly from the table and put more space between them. “I’m sorry, Captain. I’ll just - ”

“Wait - ” Steve shifted forward, not wanting to move closer to the man he sensed was skittish and wary in the morning light in ways he thinks wasn’t the case the previous night. He reached a hand out to catch his attention instead. “No, that’s not what I meant. I know it wasn’t fully informed consent, or whatever the phrase is, but I was a willing participant for everything we did. I enjoyed the hell out of it, too, and I don’t regret a thing. Do you?”

The Soldier looked over at him, half-turned away as if he was still waiting some signal Steve was lying. “No, Captain. I should have discussed with you first, though, about limits and safewords and - ” He cut himself off, still tensed. Steve silently noted the posture of a man waiting for a reprimand, and remembered his doctor’s words from yesterday. This man was a prisoner of war, had likely suffered horribly at the hands of people whom he was powerless over - no wonder he was so wary. It sounded like the Soldier thought he had failed in some way, that he hadn’t met expectations and was expecting the subsequent punishment.

Steve was so glad that he had a naturally dominant personality, when he wasn’t trying to fulfill his biological requirements as a submissive. He’d made it through his time in Brooklyn, in the Army, and in the Avengers with only the bare minimum of people who new about his orientation, because he really was a natural leader.

Well, it looked like he was going to have to take the lead here. That was okay with him - it was important to make sure his dom was okay after their pretty intense scene, and he was personally quite intrigued with the man in front of him.

Steve approached slowly, body language relaxed as he stepped around the table to stand in front of the Soldier, keeping his hands loose and shoulders rounded like he was trying to be his old 5’ 4” self.

“I accept you apology, Soldier, but you don’t need to give it. I want to thank you for helping me last night - you were amazing.” Steve watched the Soldier’s body unfurl, tension leaking away slowly. He reached forward, telegraphing his movements as he tilted the Soldier’s chin up so he wasn’t hiding his head in shame. “Do you want me to keep calling you Soldier, or are you comfortable telling me you name?”

The Soldier studied his face, eyes furrowed and still a little lost, but at least the fear from before was gone. “My name is James Buchanan Barnes, Captain, but I’m told that people who know me call me Bucky.”

Filing away the tidbit he noticed about Bucky’s memory - or lack thereof, Steve smiled warmly at the man in front of him. Bucky was an unusual nickname, to say the least, but at least Steve knew his name now. “Thank you, Bucky. You can call me Steve, if you’d like.”

He felt, more than saw, the small nod Bucky gave at his words, Steve’s fingers still pressed softly under his chin. Steve tilted his head a bit, studying the way Bucky’s face was much more relaxed now, the way his own body was more calm just by the physical proximity to his dom. He may be doing far better than yesterday, but it was still a rapid change from almost-subdrop to the heights of subspace, and he was still starved for the touch of his dom. He swayed forward softly, barely aware of the movement, and asked, “Bucky, can I kiss you?”

He looked surprised at the question, but it quickly transformed in to hunger in his gaze. Bucky’s nod was much more confident this time, and Steve closed the last few inches between them.

It was so different from the fevered passion of last night. This kiss was the heat of coals burning warm and steady, and the feel of Bucky’s upper lip between his own was mesmerizing. They shifted, breathing shallowly as they separated, but Bucky surged forward to press his body up against Steve’s. Steve turned and backed into the counter, letting Bucky press him against the surface as his tongue teased along Steve’s lips. His hand was pressed along Bucky’s jaw as they deepens the kiss, Bucky licking along the back of Steve’s teeth. The feel of his jaw shifting under Steve’s hand was distractingly good, a rough layer of stubble he could already feel a bit raw along his chin.

Steve moaned into the kiss, letting go of his control as Bucky regained confidence from Steve’s words and responses. As the kiss broke, Bucky bit down on Steve’s lower lip, prompting another groan at the pure lust in the sensation. The hand on Bucky’s jaw felt more like an anchor to try and stay grounded than the calming gesture it had been mere moments before.

They were both breathing hard as Steve opened his eyes, blinking it to the depths of Bucky’s startling grey-blue eyes shadowed with lust. He stared, waiting, and felt Bucky’s hands drag slowly down his bare arms, goosebumps springing up in their wake and nipples hardening. His hands were pressed into the table behind him, and he wasn’t sure what expression was on his face that Bucky was studying so intently, but at the feel of a corded thigh pressing between his own, hipbone pressing tantalizingly into his hardening cock, Steve’s breath hitched. He stared at Bucky and heard the sinful moan ripped out of his chest with the gasp, watched as Bucky’s eyes darkened even further, pupils completely blown as Bucky savored the reactions he was pulling from Steve’s body.

Breathing unsteady, Steve leaned forward and slammed their lips together again, desperately. He devoured Bucky’s mouth, twining their tongues along each other and begging with his actions for _more, more_. His hips rolled forward, seeking friction and savoring the feel of Bucky’s erection throbbing against his stomach.

He was suddenly off balance, arms shoved backward by the hands he had forgotten were wrapped around his wrists. The redistribution of weight wrenched him out of their kiss but thrust their hips violently together, and Steve’s exhalation was practically a cry at how closely they were pressed together. Bucky’s nuzzled under his upraised chin, dragging stubble along Steve’s neck.

Steve wasn’t even sure he was breathing anymore, and he hadn’t even noticed while it was happening that he had been thrown into subspace, the weightless sensation enhancing the off-balance effect of his position against the table. He was completely helpless, unable to get any decent leverage from this position, and it was _glorious_. Steve let Bucky take more of his weight, relaxing muscles so that he shifted his weight further down onto Bucky’s thigh and only his abs and locked elbows were keeping Steve from laying flat against the table behind him.

Bucky’s exploration of Steve’s neck had progressed towards his ear and Steve bucked, conflictingly trying to both squirm away and press closer. Unerringly, Bucky nipped at the spot until Steve was practically shouting his groans, cock impossibly hard and already soaked through his sweats with pre-come. He wasn’t even embarrassed about how close he already was to orgasm - Bucky seemed able to pinpoint Steve’s strongest erotic zones with uncanny accuracy, and it was honestly a compliment to his dom that Steve was this turned on this quickly. A super-soldier refraction period meant he wouldn’t even have to slow down.

As he felt arousal curling in his gut, balls tightening as his orgasm approached, Steve gasped out, “Oh god, Bucky, your mouth is just - _ungh_ \- oh my _god_ \- ” Bucky skimmed his teeth along the shell of Steve’s ear before biting the cartilage almost hard enough to break skin, and suddenly it was too much. Steve screamed as his orgasm slammed into him, the multitude of sensations pushing him over the edge. Bucky panted against his neck as Steve tried to regulate his breathing into something even approaching normal, and the brush of wet air against his skin and the light flick of tongue as Bucky wet his lips make Steve’s over-sensitized dick already try to twitch again.

He whimpered and his arms threatened to give out at the flood of so much arousal still coursing through his body, and the sensation of cool metal arm sliding under his back to grip at his shoulder blade was a turn-on he never realized was so attractive.

Still gasping for air, Steve nudged his hips forward to press against Bucky’s and savored the stuttered groan that it produced. “Please - ah - please, can I blow you?” Steve asked and Bucky levered him forward and pressed their mouths feverishly together before moving his body back just enough so Steve wasn’t plastered against the table.

Taking that as acknowledgement, Steve slide gracelessly onto the floor, catching a hand behind Bucky’s massive thigh to keep himself from toppling over at the quick change in altitude. Bucky’s breathless chuckle was worth the clumsiness, though, and Steve was almost giddy to hear such a carefree noise from the man who had nearly run off in shame and fright at the thought of failing. Bucky deserved so much better, and Steve tried to imbue some of that passion into his hands as he slowly pulled down Bucky’s sweats and underwear.

Steve couldn’t help but suck at the drip of pre-come waiting at the tip and felt Bucky’s hips jerk in response. A thunk sounded like something hitting the table - Bucky’s elbow, possibly? - as Bucky seemed to curl forward a bit, flesh hand reaching under the table to grasp at Steve’s hair.

“That’s it, oh christ your mouth is so goddamn tight,” Bucky murmured, encouragingly, as Steve bobbed along the length of his cock. “Just like that, mmmhyeah, you’re so good with your tongue, aren’t you, babe.”

Hearing the term of endearment slip out of Bucky’s mouth made Steve moan brokenly as he worked to loosen his jaw, left hand scrabbling at Bucky’s waist as his right reached between his legs to stroke his cock and shift down to his balls.

“Such a good submissive, aren’t you babe, so eager to - _fucking christ_ , ahh right there, Steve!” He had licked up Bucky’s erection for a quick gasp of air before slamming back down until his nose brushed the curls at the base and Bucky’s cock stretched Steve’s jaw to its limits. The fingers in his hair clenched and Steve could feel under his hand the way Bucky’s hips drifted forward before he held himself still, breathing raggedly to try not to slam forward even farther.

Steve skimmed his hand along Bucky’s thigh and up to his ass, breathing through his nose before swallowing and feeling his throat flutter around the head of Bucky’s cock. Bucky’s groan was absolutely wrecked, pitching into a yell as Steve did it again, again, until finally Bucky slid his trembling hand down to Steve’s neck to wrench him back. He pulled Steve off to catch his breath, and then gripped Steve’s jaw until it was immobile and slammed his hips forward, fucking Steve’s slack mouth.

Steve moaned at the feel of the hard cock sliding, slick with his own spit and Bucky’s pre-come, relaxing his body and letting Bucky use him for his pleasure. His right hand quickened on his own cock and he grunted at the pleasure of the sensations.

“Don’t you come yet, babe, I want you to be completely unraveled before I let you come again,” Bucky panted as his hips sped up. Steve groaned, pained and aroused as his right hand scrabbled up to mirror his left, clutching at Bucky’s hips and ass and trying to ignore how aroused he was even just with the feel of Bucky using his mouth.

The hand at his jaw loosened and Bucky groaned, “I’m gonna come, Steve, do you - ” He panted, hips stuttering, and Steve just pressed forward, milking Bucky through his orgasm until he slowed. Steve swallowed and dragged his lips slowly off Bucky’s cock, making sure it was clean, before resting his forehead against Bucky’s hip and panting raggedly.

“Holy shit, Steve, just... Holy shit.” Steve groaned at Bucky’s words, curling forward as if that movement would relieve the ache in his gut at being so close to orgasm. “I should just keep you like this, ready and waiting to suck me off like a pro, your mouth is so fantastic, babe. Ah, yeah - do you think you can come just from my words, huh Steve?”

Steve whined and pressed forward, aching but ready to please his dom. “Holy shit, I think you can. That’s so fucking hot, babe, oh my god. I was gonna pull you up here, press you up against the table and spread your legs as wide as they can go and then eat your ass like it’s my last meal, what do you think? I don’t even think you need that, you’re so turned on just the thought of it is enough. Would you come then, if I had my hands pulling apart your cheeks and tongue buried an inch deep in your ass, would you come for me?”

The sound of Bucky’s voice, rumbling and deep and _god_ the scene he was describing was so hot, Steve could practically feel the spit dripping down his ass and suddenly he was coming, completely untouched, keening as Bucky’s fingers slid forward to cup his jaw as his orgasm slammed into him. By the time it was over he was boneless, only supported by the hand at his face and the floor beneath his knees.

Bucky reached down and pulled him up, tucking him into his chest and letting Steve lean and catch his breath. “You did so damn good for me, Steve, that was _amazing_. God that was so hot.”

They stood there for a minute, just savoring the closeness, before Bucky finally steered them towards the shower. As Steve stood under the spray and let Bucky rub gentle fingers into his hair, forehead tucked against Bucky’s clavicle, he realized that he was going to be okay. With Bucky as his dom, he wouldn’t have to rely on the medication and its side effects, and he’d get to learn more about this fascinating man that even Natasha seemed to have history with, if she knew enough to recommend him as a dom.

With that comfort in mind, Steve let Bucky’s fingers lull him up into subspace and relaxed into the contentment flowing through him. It would be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, I'm so sorry it's taken me over a year to think about this story again. Yep, still haven't proofread that last chapter, still haven't responded to any comments... Oops.
> 
> I am absolutely floored by the response the response to this story - your words mean the world to me, and I'm so glad you haven't hated it so far! I'm trying to work on the next installment - although so far it's just like 1,000 words of Bucky's backstory, with no smut in sight on the horizon. I leave it up to you (or at least to the new readers who will see this) - would you rather I post the beginning of the new story with no idea of when another chapter will be ready? Or wait for the nebulous time where I've got far enough for some nice kinky sex?


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